Monday, June 13, 2011

To Text or to Tomcat: That Is the Question

Amid the tawdry scandal now known as Weinergate, I have found a reference to a feline.

No, thankfully, U.S. Representative Anthony Weiner has not posed naked with a cat, at least not yet. Perish the thought. While reading about the latest tweeting exploits of Congressman Weiner, I was reminded that he is following in the footsteps of indiscreet politicians who have chased women—century after century. What I did not know is that, in the late 18th century, Martha Washington named one of the tomcats at Mount Vernon after Alexander Hamilton, the famous womanizing politician. The tomcat Hamilton surely enjoyed prowling around the grounds of such a lavish estate, and might romping outdoors in an uninhibited fashion—as opposed to texting in the buff indoors—benefit the New York Democrat, too?

I am not Dr. Drew and will refrain from passing judgment on how to cure Congressman Weiner’s unabashed love of exposure. In fact, I am a fine one to talk. Regretfully, Cat Man and I were never able to trap our beloved tomcat, Tom, and have him neutered. We tried for three years steadily, but Tom always eluded our grasp.

Like Congressman Weiner, Tom was narcissistic and liked to look at his reflection through the glass doors in the den at the back of our house. Whenever I saw Tom admiring himself, I would wave at him, as if to say, “Yes, you’re a stud.” Tom typically responded by lifting one of his hind legs and spraying the glass. Tom was the biggest, “baddest” tomcat on our city block, and the six felines whom he fathered are testaments to his uncontrollable sexual urges. Because of Tom, Cat Man and I became the proud adoptive parents of T.J. (Tom Junior), Perkins, Miss Tommie, Leo, Linus, and Alvar. Tom impregnated his sister, Lillie, who is the mother of the first four cats cited in the lineup, above.

So, while Anthony Weiner is taking a leave of absence from Congress to “become a better and healthier person,” let’s do our part as Cat Ladies and strip neighborhood tomcats of their “sexting privileges.” Catch them if you can, and move those former feline sex addicts inside.

Query of the Day: Should tomcats be sent to kitty rehab?

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