Cats by the Dozen

January has come and almost gone, and I am kicking myself for not being sufficiently entrepreneurial during the past year. I had the right tools to work with, so to speak, but I missed the mark. I should have published my very own Cat Calendar, just like the one issued by United Bamboo.

I am only two cat shorts of a perfect dozen, and I like to think that any one of the felines of Catland could go paw to paw with the handsome model pictured here on United Bamboo's 2011 calendar. This year's calendar features female felines dripping in beads and sequins, with the males sporting regatta jackets and other suitable attire.

I have thought often of outfitting Lucius in a “mad about plaid” blazer and dressing L.B. in a Saints football jersey. Lydia is a natural for a leopard-print Diane von Furstenberg wrap dress, and Lillie would look especially fetching in a caramel suede jacket with a fox fur collar and removable hood. I could go on and on about my fashionable expectations for our ten cats.

But I’m no Tiger Mother, making controversial statements about what children must do to earn parental approval. I am Cat Lady, and my furry kids have free reign at home. They are who they are, and it's not my place to judge harshly whether they choose to drape themselves in fleece or flannel blankets; there is no right or wrong fabric. I insist only on their good grooming at all times.

Query of the Day: Will you please send me photos of your Mr. February?

C’mon, Get Happy!

Emily—yes, THE Emily who rescued Bleu/Blue from a life behind bars—has asked how to tell if a cat is happy. That is a great question for a Cat Lady to ponder, and I will attempt to assure Emily, who became a Cat Lady overnight, that she has provided Blue with all of the vital ingredients for leading a long and happy life.

Emily’s dog wags his tale affectionately and also licks faces and slobbers (the last word is a direct quote from Emily, by the way) to demonstrate his undying devotion. Like most cats, Blue is much subtler in expressing his satisfaction.

He has already chosen his favorite places in Emily’s house for lounging during the day and sleeping at night. He has never met a particle of food that he doesn’t like, and the food bowls are filled for his delectation. I could give other concrete examples, but the short of it is that Blue lacks for nothing, thanks to Emily and her husband’s largesse. I feel confident that all Emily need do to answer her own question is to put her ear next to Blue’s.

I can hear him purring and whispering now, “I’m LOVIN’ this!”

Query of the Day: What makes your cat happiest?

Desktop Kitties

A friend has alerted me to a new product that is tailor-made for Cat Ladies who office at home, either permanently or from time to time. The company Opulent Items has introduced a desktop cat bed, pictured here. The product’s tagline reads, “Your cat rests while you work,” which makes perfect sense given the way the feline world works.

Much as I am intrigued by this product, I need to consult my checkbook. At $40 a pop, I’m looking at an investment of $240 to buy six cat beds. I wouldn’t want any one of our cats at home to become jealous, and I have a very strong suspicion that Lucius would hop from cat bed to cat bed, making sure that he observes me from every possible angle.

Maybe there is another manufacturer on the market that can meet my specific needs. What I have in mind is a single tower that holds six beds at varying heights. The effect would be similar to that of this exquisite work from the museum’s collection of Indian art. Yes, that’s it, a kitty version of Shiva Nataraja! And just like the figure that is the Hindu temple sculpture, I would perform a blissful dance, grateful for pleasing my charges.

Query of the Day: Would you read product reviews by this Cat Lady?

Still Life with Champagne and Cat Chow

As we were ringing in a new year at Catland, I found myself wondering whether cats, like humans, make resolutions for health and prosperity.

For instance, did Lucius vow to wean himself of neediness, to be less demanding in his senior years? Did L.B. say, “I’ll lose 11 pounds in 2011”? Did Alvar take a deep breath and promise to befriend Lucius? And so on and so forth.

This still life with champagne and cat chow will not win an award for artistry, but I like the composition for this simple reason: I am reminded of who I was, and of who I have become. In the B.C. days, I had more time to attend art-gallery and exhibition openings, where champagne and other forms of bubbly were poured freely. In my current state of being, as Cat Lady, I am like the waiter at those art events from ten years ago, passing the hors d’oeuvres and checking attentively on refills—only my “customers” are cats.

Sitting at our kitchen counter on New Year’s Eve, surrounded by the cats’ plates and bowls of food, made me appreciate even more the basic necessities of life. Yes, like most people, I get a kick from champagne, but it is a luxury, after all. The love and companionship of our felines is an indispensable daily pleasure.

Query of the Day: Do you keep ample inventory of Piper-Heidsieck and Purina?